OMG VLOG IN M-W ROTFL!!

Merriam-Webster has added more than 100 words to its latest dictionary. At first, when reading a news article about it, I was like “Woo! Where can I see these words? I need to expand my ever growing vernacular.”

Some of the entries include acai (small, berrylike fruit for fatties), haram (foods forbidden under Islamic law) and Reggaeton (rap and Caribbean rhythms). But among the 100 entries are also frenemy, staycation, vlog and webisode.

I can understand webisode and vlog (kind of). With the Interwebs changing constantly and online media skyrocketing, it makes sense. But c’mon, frenemy? Really?

The word frenemy (pretending to be a friend when in fact, you’re an enemy) apparently dates back to the ’70s. But when I hear the word frenemy, I think of Mean Girls and Paris Hilton. OK, I liked Mean Girls. Don’t get me wrong. The movie was a hit because it had instant catch phrases such as “Boo, you whore.” But just because words are being said across the Internet, in the movies and between slutty heiresses and her “BFFs” doesn’t mean it should be in the dictionary.

But the real question becomes what makes a word important enough to be in the dictionary? If you go to m-w.com and type in “lol” in the search engine, the return result is “laughing out loud.” But where does this stop?

According to the Guardian article about the new entries, about one-fifth of the new entries are technology related. So when will the word “tweet” be known for something other than the sound a bird makes? How about “ROFL” (rolling on the floor laughing)?

I’m all for advancing the Web and what not, but if we’re going as far as adding words such as frenemy and staycation, then we should also be open to adding words such as “ROFLCOPTER,” “LOLERSKATES,” “totes” and “obvs.”

There’s always going to be some schmuck who says something dumb, it catches on and becomes an instant catchphrase. But that doesn’t mean it should be in the dictionary.

Great Books for Grade School Kids (Mainly Girls)

In his column for the NYTimes, Nicholas Kristof gave his list of summer reads for kids. Now, while everyone is entitled to their opinion, I have to say I thought his list was severely lacking. So I have come up with my own.

I gobbled books as a grade schooler, and here's some that will demonstrate why:

1. Sounder - This was basically my favorite book as a child. It was the first chapter book my mom read to me, and I read it seven times in one year. Spoiler alert: Sad dog story.

But it's way better than Old Yeller. Based on a true story, it introduces young readers to themes of racism, poverty and the importance of family and education.

2. To Kill A Mockingbird - I am naming my firstborn Harper. This is one of the best books ever, and no one should forget it. Plus, it's a great read for the summer when the air's humid and heavy.

Don't miss out on the movie with Gregory Peck either.

3. Junie B. Jones - These books were my younger sister's favorite series as a first-grader. And luckily, as the older sister, I got to pretend I was just listening/reading because I was benevolent.

Realistically, this book will only appeal to a hip, female crowd, but older brothers and dads can just do what I did.

4. Sideways Stories from Wayside School - This Louis Sachar essential series follows the strange happening of students at Wayside School, with each chapter telling one kid's weird tale (or one weird kid's tale).

Hint: Don't be misinformed. The school is 30 stories high - it's just missing floor 19.

5. Little House on the Prairie - What American girl grows up without Laura Ingalls Wilder? I recommend the entire series, but this book is best for summer. With parties, horses and, of course, covered wagons, this is a great adventure book for girls.

6. From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler - A story of a runaway 11-year-old and her brother who make a home in the MOMA. After learning how to blend in to their prestigious surroundings, the two discover a mystery about Michaelangelo. (But it is believeable and doesn't suck like the DaVinci Code).

7. Stuart Little - A mouse. That I like. The end.

When they are finished, they can even watch the movie, which is tolerable and has that cute kid from "Jerry Maguire."

8. Dear America series - Yes, as a kid I was a history buff. So sue me. These beautifully designed books were written as diary entries or letters. They were interesting and mostly historically accurate. Plus, they tend to show a more diverse view than the American Girl books, although neither, as far as I know, include as Asian narrator (although a concurrent series, the Royal Diaries, does).

There are also books from the male perspective called the My Name is America series, but they are all soldiers as far as I know. Also won't discuss social implications of the two series titles. For my one reader with a kid on the way, I suggest giving that MA native the Dear America Patience Whipple (about a voyage on the Mayflower) book at about age nine, assuming precociousness is an inevitable hereditary trait. Hoorah.


There. There are eight books your school-aged kids can read when they've finished all 10,000 pages of the Harry Potter series in two weeks and are drooling in front of the Wii.

What would you add?

Amazon Seeks Patent for Placing Ads in Books

While reading, I try to separate myself from the industrial/corporate world. I don't want to think about work, my groceries, the things I need to buy but can't afford. But that might end soon, as Amazon seeks to patent placing ads in books. (Now glad I didn't blow my wad on a Kindle).

In a column for CrunchGear, Devin Coldewey speculates that they will probably limit this to reduced-price books to keep Kindle newbies from feeling betrayed.

But, they have left a loophole for themselves with the potential to extend this to print editions of the content. Not sure exactly how that would work now since Kindle downloads aren't printable (so far as I know).

Aside from just being très gauche, this could also cause problems for holdouts (i.e. independent publishers, small presses) down the line.

Ads in books? Also read this column by Michael Klurfeld in TechGeist - if it's annoying but you get books for free, is it worth it? And how will Amazon negotiate this with publishers who offer Kindle-friendly e-books?

Salinger Wins

The judge awarded J.D. Salinger the win. Production of 60 Years Later will not happen in the U.S. because the judge didn't buy author Fredrik Colting's lawyers' arguments for fair use, calling the book a parody.

Click here to read the full article in Publishers Weekly.

Does this mean some characters are copyrighted? And to what extent? Do they have to be American literary icons, or can they be just bestseller beach read bums? I don't really know what to think about this. On the one hand, it seems right that authors should have some control over their own creations. On the other, it seems that this ruling might become much more extensive in the precedence it sets than intended.

What do you guys think?

Happy Birthday, George Orwell

Yes, Mr. Orwell would be 106 today.

Even though he's most famous for his novels, 1984 and Animal Farm, I prefer his essays, especially "A Hanging" and "Politics and the English Language."

What are your favorite Orwellian pieces?

Judging You

People cannot raise their children. Who loses the blame game this week? Books.

Books are clearly the reason teenagers misbehave and learn about subjects too early in life. Why should a senior in high school learn about "homosexuality?" cry parents of Litchfield, NH. Well, chances are as 18 year-olds, they already know about it. But instead of thinking that this is perhaps the case, they banned David Sedaris from the short story reading class. Because an Ernest Hemingway short story discusses statutory rape and abortion, that is banned as well. The school board did not offer the teacher any support.

But perhaps the parents don't realize that reading about a gay man or abortion will not morph their children into gay, pro-choice liberals. Afterall, it is fiction. And if, against the odds, these kiddos didn't know anything about these topics in high school, then they are in for a few confusing few years when they enter the pearly gates of higher education.

Clicke here to read the article about the school board's decision.

In Utah and Louisiana, there are bills up for debate that allow parents to sue booksellers who let minors buy books with any form of nudity if the parent deems it "offensive." This can even be for books targeted at minors (think books about learning about puberty, or even Everybody Poops) that aren't "obscene" by the laws standards. We're not talking triple X here. This could make booksellers weary to sell any more adult books to minors, considering there is currently no rating system for books.

Parents, look at your children's video games and TV viewing patterns - or maybe even your own mirror - when you are worried about their moral fiber. Not their editions of Grey's Anatomy or "The Old Man and the Sea."

Sherman Alexie Haunts My Dreams

It's not normal for someone to wake up only remembering that in her dream, Sherman Alexie was judging her. I've never seen him except for the portraits that are on the backs of books, but I knew it was him.

The reason? I don't remember. But I know whatever Freudian desire masked what is was stood for The Kindle, which he called elitist nearly a month ago. He later explained that this was because children of poverty are the last to benefit from technology, and this would leave them behind.

But, as much as I want to be an awesome person, I wanted one. And apparently, booksellers are anticipating everyone else will, too.

Simon and Schuster signed a deal with ScribD, China Daily reported the money Chinese technological manufacturers lost with cell phones in 2009 was hoped to be made up for with knock-off Kindles, and booksellers worry that their "expensive" paperbacks will be returned for $1.99 replacements in the e-world.

And Kindle Deluxe was released, and the world continued to spin. Certainly, it will not be the downfall of the publishing industry as the internet was/is for the newspaper industry.

Sitting and typing now, after taking a breather for a bit, I realize, I do not really want a $400 Kindle. This is not only because I am a poor college student who really needs to purchase a business wardrobe and pay off loans before buying myself anything shiny; it is also because there is something about being with a book and not connected with everyone you know through the InterWebz or the newest pop-tech device. There is something about seceding from this fast-paced place and reading a book. I don't plan on reading a Kindle to my little cousins, nor do I plan on reading Gone with the Wind on it (would tear drops ruin the screen?).

And I can definitely see the benefit - instead of lugging around a gigantic bag that weighs down my right shoulder, I could palm a sleek library. Maybe if I had more money and more than a semester of classes, I would invest for the potential textbook savings.

But as a lover of literature, I just can't bring myself to cheat. (Cue "My Heart Would Know" by Hank Williams). Although maybe that would change if they were giving them away or they were less four college loan minimum payments.

Thanks, Sherman.

A Book I Never Wanted to Read

OK. I'm going to be perfectly honest and say that typically I don't read classics unless they're forced upon me. However, I have found one that I chose to read (without anyone twisting my arm) that is pretty daggon awesome. I'm currently working at a theatre in the-middle-of-nowhere, KY and the next show I have a role in is Dracula. I felt that, for research purposes, I should probably read it. And why not? There's nothing to do in this town anyway except go to the local Subway. And although I do like me some sandwiches, they curb your appetite and not your boredom. So I started Dracula. And I have to say I'm awful surprised. It's a really great book. It's extremely interesting and actually really creepy. Not very many books have made me go to sleep with lights on. And yes, it is about 500 pages of small print, and I'm not saying it's the most fast-paced book I've ever read. But what's interesting to me is that it's not your typical narrative, but is told in the form of documents from the perspective of 5 or 6 different characters. You know, like diary entries, letters, telegrams, newspaper articles, etc., etc. Which totally makes it feel voyeuristic and creep-tastic.

Not my favorite book in the whole wide world. But I'm definitely glad I'm reading it.

Awaiting Summer Read

This Klostermanesque (probably with less self-deprecating humor and more... outwardly?-deprecating humor) novel is the one I'll be looking for to get a break from chunkier books this summer. While it technically won't be a beach read, since I will be reading it from the apartment where I refuse to turn the A/C on in southern Indiana, I plan on pretending it is.

Read the NYTimes Review, including a satirical NYT Bestseller List, and look out for ours. Nice.

Are you there, Vodka? It's me, Chelsea

Heading into my junior year at IU, I already had about 9 random English credits under my belt. I decided that because I had these credits and I had a genuine interest in writing, I would minor in English. The program itself was only 30 credits, and I was enrolled in six credits that fall. It was easy.

I thought wrong. I couldn't pass Literary Interpretation. Maybe it was me, maybe it was my professor. I'm more likely to blame someone else because in all honesty I'm perfect. I had to settle for an English concentration with my journalism minor. So basically, I had to take 24 random English credits.

But last night I realized that it's not the professor's fault I couldn't interpret poems by Emily Dickinson. It's the fact that I can get through Chelsea Handler's "Are You There Vodka? It's me Chelsea" before I can get through Candide by Voltaire or any normal book. Here's a little excerpt from her book:

"I was too young to work legally so I only had two realistic options: I could either start my own underground babysitting ring or become a prostitute.

Although I had developed a serious crush on our plumber that year, I wasn't sure that I was ready for penetration. I had seen my very first penis on a porno tape I stole from my brother, and was completely flabbergasted. While I had heard a lot about the size and shape of the penis, no one had ever mentioned there were going to be balls attached to it."

I probably have read that chapter four times already, just because it's hysterical. But for the sake of being serious right now, the book is incredible. It's easy to read and it's hysterical. I'm not sure why my literary tastes are so terrible, but I think this is a clear indicator that I should never have been accepted into the IU English program. But it's probably clear why I didn't finish it.

If you like Chelsea Handler's book, you should probably also check out Wanda Sykes' "Yeah, I said it." And as for me, well I'm going to go read "Diary of a Wimpy Kid." It's a novel in cartoons by Jeff Kinney.

‘How sick, sick, sick I am of Dublin! It is the city of failure, of rancour and of unhappiness.’

gDuring my senior year of high school, my enterprising and optimistic English teacher decided to assign our class James Joyce's A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.

I couldn't read it (sorry, Ms. Horger...). I try not to give up on books before getting at least half-way through them, but I was finished with this by the end of the first chapter. It was like digging for a lost ring in a vat of concrete: Not worth the effort for my time.

I trudged through the first hundred or so pages, but when it got to the 50-page transcript of a sermon about going to hell, I couldn't make it any farther. I SparkNoted the rest, just like any other good future English major would.

So while I can appreciate the importance of the multiday celebration of Bloomsday all over Dublin in honor of Joyce's Ulysses, where people decide it's a fantastic idea to dress up in 1904-appropriate garb and wander the streets, I can't see myself joining in any time soon.

Joyce himself had a notoriously tumultuous relationship with the city (as evidenced by his 1909 quote that titles this post).

My friend Shannon, who is currently in Dublin, said the celebrations are "awesome." There is apparently a random guy who is dressed up as James Joyce that is poking people with a cane while reading from Ulysses, and I am all for random acts of violent street performance.

Has anyone else had a James Joyce experience? Or even finished one of his books?

Yet Another Reason to Love David Sedaris

David Sedaris, hilarious essayist/ author of Me Talk Pretty One Day and, most recently, When You Are Engulfed in Flames, is doing a "small town" book tour (being from Kentucky, 85-120K people doesn't qualify as a small town, but OK). He basically goes to cities that never see popular authors because they aren't New York, Boston or L.A. and then he stays up to 9.5 hours after a reading to sign books and talk with each reader/fan, according to the Publisher's Weekly article and my own personal experience.

As a senior in high school, I attended a reading of his with a friend, piggybacking on the unusual and unexpected good taste of said friend. Aside from being uproarious and one of the better writers of the past 15 years -- a memoirist who doesn't roll in his own self-pity (unless he wallows in it for your enjoyment) -- afterward, he also stayed for hours to sign each book of each patron. My friend brought four books, which was embarrassing and excessive, but Sedaris signed each one. He then complimented us for dressing up, deploring to the Kentucky Center for the Arts gods that he had to and why shouldn't everyone else?

Because of this long wait in line or our propensity to overdress or perhaps the fact that we were teenagers who read something other than Harry Potter in the 2000s, Sedaris then rummaged through his rucksack, saying he wished to give us a gift, but all he had was the soap and lotion he had stolen from a hotel. We took it.

So basically, even though Louisville isn't by any means a small town, I was glad to have had my second authorial experience (the first was with the renownd singer-songwriter Raffi) with a man so appreciative to meet readers.

And this is why I plan to be one of the people lined all the way to Mid-City Mall down Bardstown Road when he comes to Carmichael's on Sunday (Father's Day). Maybe I'm a bad kid, but at least I read?

For Sedaris' tour dates, click here.

A Striking Correlation Between Bureaucratic Snobbery and Our Own

Thanks to Larry and The Oregonian's Jack Ohman for this cartoon: The Harvard-Yale Game.

Leave Huckleberry alone!

According to the latest issue of The Economist, one of the reasons America's education system doesn't measure up to those of Europe and Asia is Huckleberry Finn, the river-raftin' vagabond of Mark Twain's most beloved work.

The article claims that the U.S. of A's fondness for undisciplined children contributes to the lackluster work ethic of its youth. This may be true, but please leave Huck out of it.

Those who have read the classic know that Twain's protagonist actually put on his thinking cap quite frequently. Sure, Huck was an independent spirit. He preferred fishin', huntin' and mischiefin' to studyin', but Huckleberry also wrestled with the great moral dilemma of his time (slavery) and came to reject the social norms of the day.

Such critical thought seems largely absent from our Wii-playing, YouTube-savvy generation of today. Instead of exploring the Mississippi, kids today struggle to explore their own neighborhoods. This is largely not their fault as their parents most likely are afraid to let them outside or have filled their schedule with piano lessons, Little League, travel team soccer and swimming camp.

This leaves little time for adventure let alone moral dilemma.

Of course, Huckleberry is a character, skillfully crafted by one of the greatest American writers ever, and we are common people cursed with the desire to shield our children from life's rigors.

But we don't need less of Huck in our education system. We need more. Much more.

Trust-bustin' Google Books

The U.S. Justice Department has made formal requests for information from some of the big whigs involved in the case against Google Books, which groups such as the Authors Guild have accused of being a trust and violating copyright laws.

Google Books is trying to settle for sharing its earnings with the authors and publishers for using the out of print books.

Click on the headline to view the entire NYTimes article.

Women Are Relevant Writers; Or, Why Ernest Hemingway Is Not the Definition of 20th Century American Fiction

Please read Elaine Showalter's case for female writers and their relevance to "Great American Novel" (in quotes), something that many columnists have forgotten with the death of John Updike. (Although, let's face it, she also wrote it to promote her new book A Jury of Her Peers: American Writers from Anne Bradstreet to Annie Proulx).

Often excluded from the canon or judged by only their most recent works, women continue to dominate the American literary world (despite the critics' tendency to forget them).

Also, her list of the top eight female writers to watch has given me a new reading list. So hoorah!

Again, thanks to The Guardian for this contribution.